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Do you have a down-low experience you want to share? Have you read The Straight-Up Truth About The Down-Low, and want to write your own review? Do it here:

Guestbook Add a comment Pages: 2 3 4 5 6 (15) Name: isabella slautterback I am a 29 yr old woman and I have been with my husband age 42 for 13 yrs. Yes through the yrs there has been talk that he maynot be strait, I listened and to a point and obviously ignored it. I played the mental game with myself "if he were gay he wouldnt make love to me" "he wouldnt lie, thats not him" ect. For 12 yrs he was the most attentive husband, we never argued, he was loving, kind wrote me letter after letter telling me about his love for me and what I ment to him, h*** he was the perfect husband everything a woman could ask for. I had woman ask me all the time how I got so lucky. Then in the last yr he found the internet where he proceded to build a hiddin myspace where he was claiming to be a younger gay man and was talking to these men day and nite. These people were even calling my phone. All of this escalated in to many arguments and fights and eventually landing him in the hospitol for trying suicide and finding the underlining issues that he is bipolar with schizophrenia he had 6 voices. He tried to push me away for many reasons he is only 3 months out from this dignosis and there is a lot of work to be done, now he is telling me that I am his only friend and he loves me but that he is gay he has known but kept telling himself it was wrong and hiding it. My life is in shambles I don't know if I am coming or going. With fear though I still ask my self " is he gay" or is this part of a midlife crisis or another underlining issue of HOCD (homosexual OCD) , I am scared,lost, hurt, mad and have nobody to turn to, is it wrong to hope it is just part of the illness or am i just lying to myself, I love him I really do? Name: Joy Marie To: In Love With A Liar Please remember that you count too. Your life is important. Why allow this physically, mentally and emotionally abusive man to even be in your life? The abuse alone should be enough to tell you that you are in a dangerous, unhealthy relationship. You have to be a big woman about this. It matters not whether he is on the down-low or not, although I think you really know the truth about that. What matters is that you would allow someone to mistreat you like this. Be encouraged, we are built to overcome most obstacles. You need to overcome this one. Peace and Love Joy Marie Name: In Love with a Liar After reading all of these posts about men on the DL, I believe that I finally have figured out the answer to my questions... I have been with my man four years, we have a child. He has been caught with womens phone numbers (more than average), to where I began to get angry because it seemed like he wanted me to find the numbers. Most of the women claimed they met him, yet never saw or really spoke to him again. I have been baffled because he will leave the house, and end up coming home the next day, but this only happens periodically. Of course I always suspect another woman, but I have yet to smell perfume or find hair on him. No anonymous phone calls, no STD's throughout our 4 years. He always "ran into" some guy he was in jail with, or that I dont know, and mysteriously disappears for the night because he was supposedly too drunk to come home. I find myself trying to piece things together, because to me, there aren't many women who let a guy come screw her for a day and dont call her for another couple of weeks or months. (I know it's possible, but we live in a small town and he hasn't been spotted with any women, nor has anyone attempted to be found out, as women do) He is very sexual, satifies me immensely. He loves to do oral on me, he really enjoys licking my behind. Super freaky! I also find him praising me for being so sexy, so beautiful, and he is overly jealous, but then it seems like he wants to diminish my self esteem, as well. He is physically abusive, and refers to all women as bitches. I feel that he tries to be too manly, and he listens to music about sex with women a little too much for my taste. Am I being paranoid? He has the signs-the only one he doesnt have is the homophobia. I had a boss that made a pass at him, right in front of me! (we were drunk) But one thing I had always wondered, was why my boss even thought it was ok to approach him that way? And why didnt he whoop his ass for comin at him like that? He doesn't dress, act or look like he is into men. He watches porn alot, but I havent seen any proof of gay porn. I have caught him masturbating at 3am while I am laying naked in the bed with him! He seems to find new friends that he'll hang out with for a day or two, then I never hear about them again. He would call this one guy when I would go to bed, or if I ran to the store or somethin. i saw it on the phone bill, and asked him what it is they have to talk about that he calls right when I walk out of the door. i even asked if perhaps that guy was callin a bitch on 3way for him or something. He didnt have a practical answer, of course. I feel like he is happy as long as I am worried about him cheating with a woman. He seems pleased that I suspect him cheating with attractive neighbors or co workers. What does it sound like to you? Name: Joy Marie Hi Jennie, Wow! Many of us can relate to your story. There are so many red flags. We are very sorry because we know how heartbreaking this is for you. I cannot even try to deny that all that you have written here indicates a man on the down-low. Please get our book, so that you can make your own informed decision. Peace and Love, Joy Marie Name: Jennie After reading everyone's comments I feel like I have alot of my questions answered. I met my husband and the first 1-2 years were great, sex everything. As soon as I moved in with him......it was like he didn't want me here. One year after marriage sex is all but 1-2 times a month. And yes he loves his anus touched and loves anal sex. He to only approaches me to have sex in the early morning, no kissing. Acts like he hates me. Also puts me down for whatever he can. When I try talking to him about things he project his behaviors onto me. I don't know his friends but maybe 2....I have come across towels, t-shirts and men's underwear, socks in our laundry. I know they don't belong to my husband or my young son. When I've asked him, he says "I dont' know". Maybe the fire house. Yes he is a fire fighter. I have checked his e-mails, nothing weird accept this one guy who he says taught a drill class. The guys will send e-mails saying he will be in town and was hoping to see him. Or in another one say he was walking down around the commons and was thinking about him (my husband) and there were a lot of Jakes around. I have no idea what Jakes mean. For the last 4 years I know something is not right I just can't put my finger on it. He bought a lap top and is on it all the time. I went to check the cookies and history. He must of hide it I can't find the cookies or history. My daughter said from the beginning (2nd marriage) she was 15 at the time. He only wanted me for his trophy wife. I am going to buy the book. My husband also has done nothing but lie to me from the beginning about everything. In front of people he acts so nice..........and at home he is another person. Before my husband and I were together, he told me how he use to hang at bars with this one guy. He said how some people thought they were gay because they always hung out. My husband said they got in an argument and hadn't spoken in a few years. He heard the guy was being promoted at work. My husband asked me if he should by him a watch? I told him I thought you said you don't talk to him anymore. He said he thought it would be a nice. My husband uses a GPS in his car about a year ago I looked at his past address he went to. Then I crossed reference the address with names. That guy that he doesn't talk to anymore. My husband was at his apartment building. And recently there is a couple of residential address that I am suspicious of. A few years ago I took him to visit my family. My youngest brother is gay and very open about it. My husband was going to spend the day there. That night we drank a lot and decided at the last minute to sleep over my brothers house. We had sex and he had a condom in his short pocket...........he never will wear a condom. I always wondered why he had the condom in his pocket. We had no intentions on spending the night. It was a last minute things. I asked him about the condom. He said something to the effect he brought because he wanted to have sex with me. But again it was not planned that were were going to spend the night. Do these behaviors sound familiar to everyone? Name: Eye Opener Hello Joy Marie I was listening to one of you on the Michael Baisden show the other day and I decided to check out the sight. I have been with this man for 7 years now and things have gotten a little weird. A few months ago I was sleep and I heard him in the bathroom with my lap top computer. I pretended to be sleep so that I could find out what was going on. I thought he was online with some woman and he did not want me to see it. OMG what I found that morning sent me into a hysterical frinzy. When he came out the bathroom he did not have the computer so I acted like I needed to go to the bathroom to see where the computer was. Get this, he had hid it under the bathroom sink. Well me being the woman that I am I wanted to find out what the heck was going on so I logged on. He was so stupid he did not realize I could pull up the history and see exactly what he was looking at. I turn on the computer and see all these transgender and transexual sex videos that he had been looking at. I threw up!!!!!!!! I could not believe I had been sleeping with a man that had these tendacies. I comfronted him right away, and he swore he was not looking at that he said it was a pop up and you know I am not gay!!! I was thinking I thought I knew but now I do not know. Me being in a different city and not knowing any one I was truly afraid to leave because at the time I had no where to go but secretly I started stashing money away to get into my own place just in case. But truthfully I wanted to believe that he was not gay because hell I am all woman and I know what I can do for a man. Well that has nothing to do with anything because he still wants to look at a man having sex dressed as a woman and there aint a woman alive that can change a gay man into being straight. NO matter how good you think you are in bed. He thought he got smart and went to his parents house to use the computer but my momma did not raise no fool so I checked their computer as well and it was on there too. WOW!!! Now at that point I was still in denial because like I said i was in this city with no family and I thought I needed him. I thought he was going to be my husband one day and I so desperatly wanted that. Because I am now 34 and have never been married. After reading your site and some of the things the other women were saying I said I need to get out of this situation because if this man gives me AIDS or something I am going to jail because I am going to hurt him. I noticed that during sex he did not want to kiss or really be there with me like he was in the beginning. It was always a wam bam thank you mamm and then he started wanting anal sex which is something I am not going to do. He also started running his hand down the crack of my anus just to smell it because he claimed he loved the way I smelled which I thought was some weird BS. He also started hanging around this friend that I suspect is gay and when i asked him he was so mad he did not speak to me for days. Needless to say I am finally free. I moved into my own apartment on August 18th 2009. Although I never actually caught him doing anything I know now in my heart that he is gay and is trying to cover it up. I want to thank all the women who shared their stories and you Joy Marie for putting this site up. I needed to read this so that I would not feel so alone in this situation. I felt I had no one to tell this story because it is so embarrassing but finally getting it off my chest feels good. SO THANKS A Million and as soon as I get some money I am going to order this book! Name: Heartbroken Joy Marie, Thank you for your compassion. Your response makes me know that you DO understand all that I'm feeling. I can feel a sense of relief just by having someone to share this with who understands. I was listening to a minister this weekend talking about the gift of discernment. That uneasiness you get in the pit of your stomach or that sense that something isn't right. It's our early warning mechanism and we should pay attention. And to see you saying the same thing is blessing! I went to the book store over the weekend to buy the book and it was sold out. I'm ordering it today! God Bless you all for sharing your story! Name: aknowing Wow... I separated from my husband due to the fact I felt something weird going on with him, like his behavior (change) in general, in bed and with me. I am a believer in signs, but when it's yourself you say ...naaaah can't be. Some signs were.... turning me down for sex, talkin bout "i'm watchin the game", wanting anal sex ALOT, not taking me out any longer, but going out with co-workers...even to a gay club several times..."with co-workers???)(excuse was we have gays and straights that work with us and the gays were tired of the straight clubs) and being very distant ... he also used to leave the house late (saying going for a walk to get air or smoke a cig) when i complained, he made me believe I was nuts, needy and nagging and not letting him have his freedom. Not once did I see, hear of other men (which is the mind boggling) part. I felt it in my heart (and had a dream) and a strong intuition but I still want to hear it from him. To this day, he is trying to prevent me from divorcing him, but I AM! I feel he wants to continue living the lie and have me as a cover. What is that all about??? Name: Joy Marie To Heartbroken: We must not minimize what you are feeling right now. I feel your pain like you wouldn't believe. First let me put things in the proper perspective here. Whether he is right for you or not does not compare with suspecting or knowing that your love of 20 plus years is or could be gay. There simply is no comparison in the betrayal, pain, confusion and even fear that you experience when you know the man you love and married is sleeping or desires to sleep with men. I was married for 30 years to a man on the down-low. I can tell you first hand how devastating this is too your life. I too saw the flirtatious glances between he and other men. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. How could MY husband, father of my children...be gay? It was true though, after 30 years of my life I had to face the truth. There was no big smoking gun, but in hindsight there were many, many small smoking guns. I just didn't smell the gun powder. Don't make the same mistake. Don't throw any more of your life away in a loveless marriage. I was very lonely for most of my marriage, but I had no answers. You Do! Get our book so that you can make an informed decision about what you need to do to sustain your own life. We wish you the very best and will be here for you all the way through your journey. If you need to talk to us in person, (Joy Marie is two women), please send us a phone number and we will call you. Peace and Love Joy Marie Name: April To "Heartbroken" Sweetie, even if he's not gay (though it seems like he may be), you're obviously unhappy. Maybe you shouldn't be asking if he's gay, but if whether he's the right man for you.

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