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Do you have a down-low experience you want to share? Have you read The Straight-Up Truth About The Down-Low, and want to write your own review? Do it here:
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Name: Still in shockI recently went on to my boyfriend's emails and found an online dating link showing his latest matches - they were all men. His first reaction when he saw me looking at the email was suprise and then quickly he told me to close it and not to read his personal mail ever again. When I talked to him about the next day, he denied being gay or bisexual and told me that nobody would believe me if I told them about it. We have sex regularly, but he never shows any affection towards me when we're not having sex. He doesn't hold me, kiss me or cuddle with me. I am confused. Please help.
Name: Joy MarieHurting and Confused
Please don't fool yourself like that. How can a man who is not a woman look better than a woman who is? See it is all in our own perception. How we see things. I hope you will build up your self esteem and believe in your own beauty once again. Hollywood does not dictate what is beautiful unless we let them. I refuse to let them. I am beautiful and no one need bother to argue with me on that point, because I will still believe that I am and I believe other women are too.
Peace and Love
Joy Marie
Name: hurting and confusedwell........ what i want to know is it the same if your other half has dealt with transexual women? all i know is i will never be able to look as good as half of them do. they make real women look ugly, or that is how im feeling. i dont know what to do
Name: It just started to hit meI felt it was important that I leave a message too. I have not yet read the book but I intend to purchase it. Yesterday I sat at work and read all 17 pages of comments trying to find my story in these tales of heartache............I found pieces that were similar but there are some things I experienced that were different.
I was married for 6 years(white man not that it matters )and I just finalized a divorce one month ago. We have a 5 year old daughter who I have sole custody of. My exhusband was a stay at home dad, at times, and a wonderful father. He was verbally, emotionally, and at the end physically abusive to me. He drank a lot and could never hold down a job for very long. I attributed it to his terrible childhood and I thought that with enough therapy and love that I could show him the man he could truly be. He was very attracted to me all the time always complimentary and never was disrespectful about me gaining 30 pounds after the birth of our daughter, he always told me how beautiful I was and we had an amazing sex life. There was nothing out of the ordinary in our sex life at all. The only thing that I can see now is that I kept thinking he was bipolar and I thought that he had some kind of mood disorder. Also in the beginning of dating he would sometimes freak out when I was with him at a night club or bar and tell me to go home and that I was bothering him. Now I know that it was because he wanted to hook up with a man or TV, TG. I found out all of this by searching the history of our computer and his cell phone. These stories helped me to realize that I did make the right decision by divorcing him immediately and not thinking I could fix him. He also threatened suicide and told me he never acted on anything just had dating site postings. He like so many of the others on this site immediately started dating a bunch of women and even showed up to our first court hearing with a hickey from his new girlfriend. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life, and as of the past couple days I have fallen into a deep depression trying to find a way to forgive and make sure my daughter isn't damaged by his behavior. Does anyone know of a support group to talk about our children of father's living these kinds of lives. That is really my main mission. Thank you so much for sharing all your stories. I know that I am not alone.
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Name: sernyc10Thank
Name: I Just Need RestI don't know where to start... I awake daily hoping that this will be the day that I see something concrete that lets me know without a shadow of doubt that my husband is on the DL. He has a best friend who is extremely whorish, is dating a woman who is extremely butch, whom others have said appears to be "gay", who makes me feel uncomfortable everytime I am around him, who does not like me and had even asked my husband when we were dating "why does she call you so much?", who can call him at 1 am and say that his tire is flat or that he ran out of gas, and my husband will actually get out of bed and go help him (if it were me stranded, i doubt very seriously that he would even answer the phone). Which leads me to mention how he treats me. Sometimes I feel he is bi-polar. He can be extremely nice and caring, not intimate (we do not kiss or hug, we did early in the relationship-and I mean the first two months- but not anymore,we had tons of sex- not currently, now my body tenses up when he tries to have sex with me, it's like it's sending me a warning). He can be extremely mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. He often makes negative comments about my body, and I am an extremely physically attractive woman(not trying to be conceited-because my self esteem has definitely been shot since I have been in this relationship). He is very flirtatious with women-a few in particular, and seems to try and make me feel that I must compete with them. He goes on weekend trips with his best friend at least twice a year, and, i am not allowed to go. He doesn't regularly answer the phone when i call. I have caught him staring at his anal hole for at least 5 minutes-he was watching a video of me and him having sex, only he was just watching his anal hole, he actually paused the video, so his anal hole was the only thing that was on the screen. He has had chlamydia and I have had recurring bacterial infections-my obgyn says he found anal bacteria in my vagina... I know how to wipe properly... We do not have an emotional attachment, I feel like there is a wall up between us. Most people who know us, say we seem more like brother and sister than lovers. Finally, he is homophobic, and even got into an argument with me about whether a "top" is less gay than a "bottom"- he started the argument and felt that the "top" was more masculine. I could go on and on, but i am sure there is a character limit on here! Bottom line, I have asked him if he has ever had sex with a man, he said "no" and kinda went into some sort of explanation about why it could appear that way-he said a former lover told him that she thought he was gay. Anything that I have found suspicious, he has an explanation for... I want concrete proof... not a bunch of circumstantial stuff... My hair is falling out, I am depressed. I am a Christian and don't believe in divorce, unless I have proof of adultery... (he said he got chlamydia from me because i had a bacterial infection-even though my obgyn says that this is not possible) If I leave, this will be his 2nd divorce. He was repeatedly unfaithful to his first wife....I Just Need Rest!
Name: Joy MarieTo: So Confused
Listen to your intuition. The lack of sex is one of the signs we talk about in our book. You really need to read the book so that you can make a decision based on education in this subject matter, other women's life experiences and most of all, your own intuition. Rarely do down-low men admit they are gay. You may have to make this decision all on your own. Be courageous. You are worth it.
Peace and Love,
Joy Marie
Name: ConfusedHi,
I've been married for 1.5yrs and been with my husband for 7, we hardly have sex 2x since we got married...some of it had to do with me feeling uncomfortable with myself but recently it has been him...he says that I've put on a lot of weight which I have but I'm still a size m.
The main issue that I have with my husband is that when we are out he glances at other men, when he's had a few drinks I notice it more, it makes me feel very uncomfortable...
A few yrs ago we went out with a few friends to a club and my husband was very drunk and this guy kept trying to hit on him and my husband ignored him...it still plays on my mind.
A month ago we went to a friends wedding and the MC was very handsome and well dressed and my husband kept looking at him and at the end of the night when we were walking out shook the guys hand and send well done.
I've asked him if was gay and told him when he looks @ other guys it makes me feel uncomfortable...he said he's not gay...he told me he looks at guys sometimes just like women look at other women to see what their wearing etc...
I'm so confused...
Name: Caught himI was dating this guy that I was so into. He was a rough neck but very handsome, in and out of the penitentiary and I just absolutely adored him. He was kind to me just everything I like. One night on a hot night everyone in the neighborhood is out and I am sitting on the roof of the garage where I live, next to it is a creek that has a path that leads to another street when you walk through it. Our apartment building had some issues with the electricity and we were waiting on the P.G.E person to come. I say all of this because I believe in details, I noticed a high pitched looking female in our neighborhood. I had never seen this person before and trust me when I say I know/knew everyone in the neighborhood. This person starts bothering the P.G.E person which I politely informed them to back up. My dude is out there and I can't wait to be with him. Then the oddest thing happened as he and his partna were standing in the creek the tranny (now I realize exactly what it is) approached my dude unbeknowgst to them I'm intently listening to the conversation. It was then that the tranny or whatever said to my dude "don't I sukk your d*&% good?" He replied "yes" and is looking nervously around and putting his finger up to his mouth to sshhh him. The convo pretty much was brief but that is all I needed to hear. My friend comes out and looks at me cause all the color was gone, I told her. She got it confirmed it was a known fact amongst the circle of dudes but I didnt know. After that revelation he was deleted. I took a HIV test scared as hell. After that I really dont trust dudes. Cause you never know.
Name: Joy MarieTo Where Do I Start
I would love to speak with you by phone. I want you to send us an e-mail and send me a number or I will give you mine. I think I can bring you more comfort that way. Until then, you are in my prayers.
Peace and Love
Joy Marie
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