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Do you have a down-low experience you want to share? Have you read The Straight-Up Truth About The Down-Low, and want to write your own review? Do it here:
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Name: MistyI dated and lived with a guy for 6 years. He makes good money in technology. He is a Republican, recently into the 'Teabagging' activities. It's always been a 'joke' that he is gay, 'cause who would imagine a Conservative gay who was dating me?! Well.....5 years ago my son was 12 or 13..I needed support disciplining him. My (now ex) BF picked my son up by his sweatshirt, took him in the bedroom and I thought disciplined him. Well, my son claimed at the time that S "grabbed his balls"! My son even had a witness in the room. I couldn't believe that someone like S (successfull business man) would do such a thing, so I took S's side. My son tried to press charges against S with the local police dept. They wanted to pursue charges, but I stuck up for S. Recently we went to Japan on one of his business trips which his co. insisted I go on. He took me to a rest. which he seemed to know. (He was there last year w/out me). A Korean waiter requested that I send hima pic. of S and him. Then as we were leaving, Korean put S's jacket on him like a man does a woman. S is also a musician. He has been having 'dinner practices' w/ a violin player M. M is from Alaska like Sarah Palin. They call themselves "Morningwood" (yuk). When we returned from Japan, they had been 'practicing' for 4 hours already...I'm trying to be nice so I ask...'how was your practice?' M looks at me and says.."Aren't you leaving now?" (He said he was only kidding). I said "I can". S did not stick up for me, and they proceeded to make dinner together as M is sharpening knives threateningly in my kitchen. I got a few things together and tried to sleep in my car up the road in a State Forest. Check this. This State Forest is a 'closet gay pick up spot'! You can hardly find a place to park at night due to all the cars with guys making out. The police sit in S's driveway every few years trying to bust people for 'lude conduct'. I'm starting to put things together. Oh, S has recently been stockpiling weapons such as AK-47 type guns. He said in Japan that 'there will be a "bloodbath" in Nov. over the healthcare issue. What solidified this for me was remembering my poor son who would NEVER come out to our house in 6 years who this man abused. Now I'm in hiding 'cause I feel like there's a 'closet gay militia' after me. He was my financial support etc.... I thought I loved this guy. I recently ordered The Straight up Truth of Amazon. I hope it enlightens me more. I have no 'real' proof, only lots of little things. I'm being told 'I'm disturbed', and M didn't say that to me. HELP!
Name: MarieI got Joy Marie's book in the mail yesterday and like everyone else, could not put in down. I read it from front to back without stopping. I could not believe a piece of every single story was my life! My husband still insists he is not gay. He is stating he is suicidal now because he knows he has lost everything including his family. I'll just be glad when my heart catches up with my head. My head tells me, he is gay, my heart wants to believe he is not. But this time I am not going to ignore my intuition.
I know the truth, but can't help my feelings for a man I was with for 23 years. I know I can never go back, statistics show it will never work and I would not ever trust him anyway. So I ask for anyone that reads this to pray for me for strength to make it through the painful transition stage of letting go.
Name: Joy MarieMarie,
You have confirmed in our hearts what we all believe. Peace will keep us all until God makes it right. He is a just Father.
Peace and Love,
Joy Marie
Name: MarieIt has been six months since I discovered my husband's "other" life. When I "confirmed" what my intuition told me 23 years ago, the room was spinning. For the last several months before I confirmed the truth, my husband just totally cut me off from sex. At first I thought it was because he had got laid off from his six figure job, but I noticed he started to hang out more than usual. It would shave his whole body, put on cologne, and say he was going to the sports book at one of the Casinos(we live in Las Vegas). He would ask me if I wanted to go, knowing beforehand that I was going to say no because I am a Minister, and do not hang out at bars. He would be gone all day claiming he was watching the game.
I would ask why weren't we having sex? He would say at first that he was stressed out about not working. I accepted that at first, but my spirit told me it was more to it than that (THANK GOD FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT!). I continued to ask "in love" what was the problem? One day he said "I don't see what the problem is". I was shocked. I joked and said "Even people in Africa that are starving are still having sex because of all the starving babies we see, so what's up" He told me THEN GO HAVE SEX WITH AN AFRICAN THEN. My heart sank in my chest. I knew at that very moment I needed to get to the truth.
Low and behold, my intuition told me to go through his briefcase while he was gone one day (you do what you have to do). I found a flashdrive. To my shock! there were pictures of my husband having sex(actual pictures of the act) with several men. I still to this day do not understand why they take pictures of this disgusting act.
He had a interview in Alabama in a few days so I didn't want to confront him before he went(didn't want to bring this on him so as to not mess up his chance for a job, can you believe I was still thinking about him!). When he got home I asked him about it. At first he denied it with attitude!. When I told him I had pictures. He finally said, it was when he was doing cocaine about 4 years ago. For a moment, I believed that because the pictures had the background of a house we owned about 4 years ago. He was quick on his feet, I tell you that. BUT IT WAS ALL A LIE!
We agreed he needed to move out so I could figure things out(this was before I realize he was still living a lie.)
He moved out and wanted to use my computer to complete a school assignment(he is working on his Master's degree). When he brought my laptop back, he forgot to log off and I saw that he had several accounts on several gay websites. He had pictures posted of his body soliciting sex with men for one night stands. He even posted "Come help me break in my new apartment". I was livid. I have to admit when I called him I was not Christ like at all! I told him God would take care of him because he lied on God by saying "He had made his peace with God and asked for forgiveness".
To make a long story short, His life has been falling apart ever since.
He took our bedroom set with him and I have our daugther's set (she is away at college). He called me last week to say, the bed post split in half and he had to take it down. He is now sleeping on mattresses on the floor(I laughed for days about this) How ironic, You were f----king men in our marriage bed and now it has split in half! I know it is not right, but God is Good!
Today he called to ask if he could bring his food and put it in my freezer because he has no electrical power(turned off for non-payment). All I got to say is, God don't like ugly. And you know what, through it all, I have not had this kind of peace in 20 something years because I knew something was off from the beginning since I married him . I may be broke, but I have peace, I may be alone (right now), but I still have peace. I may have been living a marriage that was a lie, but right now, I have peace. Can he say that? No!
For all of you out there that is living in this living hell, put your trust in Jesus Christ, He will make it all right!
Name: W0nd3r!ngJust ordered the book after a comment made by our 15 year old son, "Mom, don't you wonder about dad and Don?" My husband of 23 years spends more time with his married best friend than he does with the family. He and his friend work together, spend down-time together, go on week long yearly vacations together, which, I just learned from our son, is spent in the same motel room. These trips have been going on for 12 years now-DUH, how stupid am I?
Everytime our family goes on any type vacation, even a weekend thing, my husband ALWAYS gets sick and we have to come home, never ever has to cut a trip short with his "bud." When they are not together, they talk on the phone 2-3 times a day for 20-45 minutes at a time. When it is a "family" thing, he constantly has to text this friend.
Sex has ALWAYS been him waking me up at 2:00 in the morning OR when he comes home at 7:00 a.m. after working his rotating shift. Need I tell you the only time he wants to kiss me is after I've performed oral sex on him? As of late, there is hardly any sex whatsoever, I attributed it to my gaining weight and not being stick skinny anymore. Not so sure now.
Anyway, hopefully the book will answer questions and not create more. What I really want to do is hire a detective to scope out their motel room on their next little trip .. .
Name: antoniaMy sister long distance dated a doctor for two years but they only became close during the past year. He began setting her up from the start with comments that she was his future wife etc. and over time has led her to believe that he cared about her. He criticized her for not being emotional when she was only trying to protect herself. He began distancing himself once he could see that his plan had worked and she was falling for him. This frustrated her and she decided to put an end to the uncertainty. When she did he popped back with an out of the blue confession that he was "in love" with her. She wanted so much to believe that she let her guard down. In the next breath he announced that they could not do a relationship because of a "girlfriend" who'd recently come back into his life. Sis accidentally found a card during a recent visit to his place that was signed "love...and the person's name". Since it was unusual and sounded white, I looked up the origin online and discovered it was a male name. I scoured online for ONE female with that name and it did not exist. I told myself it was like looking for a female Fred, David, Mark - I could type forever but nothing would change the shocking truth of that revelation! There were too many puzzle pieces that didn't fit and I always felt he must be on the DL. Sis opted for no sex unless they were "in a relationship" and now it's easy to see why that was an acceptable arrangement for him. Bottom line is she ignored too many red flags, never asked questions about his past (not that he would have told the truth) but at least do diligence. She's in denial but in her heart I know she knows the truth now.
It's not an indictment of all black men but pay attention sistas, it's a minefield out there!
Name: lmpI've been dating a guy about 18 months..everytime we had sex he could not stay up,he always said it was because he had a kidney problem..then 1 day I found a gay hotline no. In his phone,when I asked him he said to me. I TOLD U I SOMETIMES CALL AN PLAY ON IT..which when he said that to me ,he made it seem as if this was when he was a teenager...a couple of months go by..I pull up his phone call records an discovers that he's still callin when I ask him he said that he read a book by john grimshaw and that he was tryin to find DL men that he could blackmail....I do luv him but I worry this is a lie,he always has bad things to say about gays and he sits with his legs crossed even let me put my finger in his a** until one day I called him gay
Name: Oh Dear Gawd........Ladies, I’m on here today to vent. I’m so inspired by all of your comments and kind words. You have no idea how much you have all helped ease my mind and try to find strength. Even though, none of you were talking to me, I feel as if you ALL were.
If you wanna read my story, please feel free. This site is helping vent and get thru this enormously painful ordeal that I’m still in. That I feel like I cant talk to anyone about.....
History: I married my highschool sweetheart. Was with him since 16. Got divorced after 7 years. Was single for approx a year. Got my "poop in a group", no pun intended, and started looking for a building to buy for my business. I met a real estate agent, and there were sparks flying!!! Extremely good looking (and knew it), charming, confident, tall dark handsome with a full head of hair! Never been married, no kids and was 40 years old. Jackpot, right?
The story: I started dating him. Things were moving fast, and i was ok with that! Here I was with no kids, single, starting a biz and felt "Wow, god does love me and sent me an angel"! Why not move fast? No time to waste! So, I moved in with him. We got engaged! Sex was great for the first 3-6 months. Intense, passionate kissing, exploring things I’ve never done before (including anal sex), wonderful climaxes, hand holding, touching everything you could ever read about in a fairy tail.
After the 6th month mark, his business was starting to fail due to the economy. He is a real estate agent, and we live in Michigan. Everything around us is in foreclosure. He started becoming mentally abusive, distant, moody, and controlling. I received a small chunk of $$ from my divorce, and was using it to live on while starting my own company. Then he needed to start borrowing money. I helped him out with the promise he would pay me back. Then he needed me to start putting everything in my name. He was losing the house, so I bought it. His credit was bad, so I put the cars in my name. I paid for it all, and still do to this day.
After about a year, he said he was depressed. We would have sex maybe once a month, and only in the early morning hours (5-7am) and it was awful. One position, me on top, everytime. No foreplay, no kissing, no touching. Wham, bam, thank you mam'. We went to couples counseling. We got him on different medications to help with the depression and mood swings. After about 3 months of him being on these meds, he started acting funnier. So I started to snoop. I checked his phone, his computer, his email, everything!! I was finding all these texts on our phone bill that would go on for hours back and forth until the wee hours (I wasn’t able to read the texts, just saw them number on the phone bill and times). I called the number, sure enough a man answered! At the time, I didn’t think he was gay or bi. So I confronted him about all the texts and why? He told me it was one of the guys he plays cards with. And they were cheating at cards, telling each other what they had. I believed him. I totally thought he was telling me the truth. I actually thought to myself, "I’m an idiot, I should learn to trust him”.
So, my instinct was telling me to keep snooping, that something was up. So I did just that. I hacked into some of his accounts, and saw some awful emails from Craigslist. He had been emailing men back and forth on times to hook up for sex, blowjobs, you name it…..they talked about it. Again, I confronted him. He blamed the medicines. Said the meds are making him crazy and have homosexual tendencies, but that he never acted on any of them! Just flirted back and forth. We went to the doctor, got him on new meds, and a few months later….it happened again. Still in therapy, the man is so manipulative, that he actually had the doctor and therapist telling me, that “Yes, in fact, these drugs can make someone feel gay”! Are you kidding me?!?!?!?
Again, feeling deflated and like a horrible human being for wanting to break up with him over something that “wasn’t really him or his fault”. I stayed. Now 6 months have gone by since the last time he was caught. He is on new meds, that he swears up and down “keep him straight”, but again, my intuition is telling me something different. So feeling completely psycho and wanting to catch him in the act….I decided to create my own “M4M profile”. I believe I have kinda caught him, but haven’t seen him face to face. Ladies, He has just gotten wiser. He created a new email account, and has been responding back and forth with me, however he knows something is fishy with this. Everytime we are scheduled to meet, he calls me 100 times saying nothing but “I love you’s” and wonderful things, and yet he never shows up to meet the “Man” that is secretly me. Ironically no other strange men have showed up at these meeting places, so again…. Im pretty sure he knows its me. I guess I just need the proof to see it face to face, to know that he is in fact cheating on me with men.
So, here I sit, just waiting ladies. Im a mess, broke, and cant afford the darn book, with bills so high, I cant even see straight……but thanks for letting me vent. This site really has helped, and im sure will continue to help. Im pretty sure, this isn’t the last that you’ve heard from me.
Name: ineffiable...I have a male friend who claims he's metro-sexual,but to me he acts gay and all his male friends except for one all act "metro-sexual also...well getting to the story.I met a man that I started dating thru my male friends mother..and to be honest I was suspect off jump.He was a manly man,so that's what threw me off.We have been dating off and on for a yr.He has no friends that come around,but he says hes with them when I'm not around and I ask him what he's doing.He's always calling our mutual friend gay.He makes it very clear that he lives a private life.He watched his mom die of cancer when he was 8 and he didn't know his real dad.Also he told me that every woman that he loved has died..mother,grandmother etc.He said women use to be his achielles heal,but not anymore.He is changing,at first he was nice and now he's disresptful and demeaning.He rarely has sex with me and he says its because we argue.His home has a very cold and masculine vibration too it,which I find odd.When we did have sex it was hit or miss...he would be very passionate then other times it was very unemotional.He also can't last long and he blames this on not having sex often.He says he likes to give oral,but has yet to perform it on me.I've asked him twice if he has had sexual relations with men and he replies I'm nothing like our mutual friend...but he has yet to give me a straight out NO answer.He hangs out at the gym a lot also. He also says he doesn't like emotions and women need to act like men because they deal with consequences without emotion..I have stopped seeing him because I know something isn't right..but it has only been a week.Do his actions sound suspect or familiar too u??Also I ordered your book,I can't wait until it arrives to read it! P.s thank you for being such strong and beautiful women!
Name: NumbI am so relieved (and sad) to know I am not the only one. After spending my entire adult life with a man - the only man I have ever had sex with - I found out from my OB I have an STD. My spouse - the father of my children works in the HIV field. He should know better - if he was having an affair, he would be using safer sex one would think. It turns out he has been having sex with men in public restrooms for the past two years. I cannot reconcile this with the man I still love - my best friend and the father of my children. He has his own issues *apparently* to work out - as for me, I find myself divorcing and confused - seeing all the warning signs I was so ridiculously blind to and wondering what the future will look like from here. And yes, there is a public support group for him - for me - no one except my best friend who hasn't (mercifully) been through this.
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