Do you have a down-low experience you want to share? Have you read The Straight-Up Truth About The Down-Low, and want to write your own review? Do it here:
Add a comment
Name: MelanieOn a recent trip my high school sweet heart decided to contact me to see if we could catch up on old times. We had been friends just on the social network but nothing else. On our first meeting he did seem very nervous but what I found strange was that for an entire hour he only spoke of his past modeling experiences and his dealings with gay man and how abundant they were in the industry. I left that night confused and was unsure if he was gay since he is married and has kids. I did question him and all he said was that he was very nervous and did not know what to speak about but that he was not. Anyhow we ended up contacting each other via the phone and we would speak every day for hours. Again, once in a while he would make references about how he didn't understand why a man would walk completely naked in the locker room of a gym. Or the time when he went out with a female friend of his and a gay friend of hers wanted to go out with him. Upon the girl mentioning that he was not gay to the friend, the gay friend assured her he was. She then got mad at him and said she didn't appreciate him being on the down low at which point he denied it. Then there was the fact that he would not get upset when I questioned his sexuality. Yet because of all his sweet and sexy talk I was not going with my gut feeling. Anyhow we started having an affair, (phone) I am not going to lie and say I did not want to because I did, and it was the first time I have ever done this. We carefully planned for him to visit me and so for the months leading up to our meeting it was exciting and this man swept me off of my feet by telling me he was loved me since high school, I was the girl that got away and that he was going to treat me like a queen and blow my mind sexually. There was a time when he mentioned something that his wife had done and I automatically thought she's cheating on him. At that time I did not understand why? He holds a great job and is in position of power, he's tall, chiseled and supports her, his kids and her two kids from two other men. So why is she not happy? I questioned him on it and his respose was "I don't know". He would spend a lot of time outside of his house and I thought maybe that's why she cheats. Anyway, the day finally came when we met. He was happy to see me but it was obvious that something was not right. I thought he was feeling guilt about his marriage. When we got to the room he did not act like a man who has fantasized and loved me for so many years. I thought to myself why would he make such a long trip if he wasn't into me?. The actual act of intercourse was horrible. He had no clue to what he was doing. I spent the afternoon coming on to him because he wouldn't come on to me. He didn't even react to oral, so in the middle of it I just stopped and walked away. At night as we went to sleep he didn't touch me and gave his back to me. I started to think it was "me" but I'm physically fit so I was confused. Next day he went to the gym for several hours and when he came back he was extremely happy, he was a different man. he started saying all the things he wanted to do to me sexually but he really wouldn't act on them. When we went out he would mention how happy he was that men would stare at me because he likes to walk next to a a beautiful woman & so I thought o.k. its not me? When we got back to the room he mentioned that he read about men having their G-spot in the anal area and since he had never experienced it, he asked if I would play with him and get him off. I l like to experiment but under these circumstances I just got sick to my stomach. To make matters worse he then said that his wife asked a "male" family member who was near the area we were staying to come down and stay with him to make sure he wasn't cheating and that the person would arrive in two days. He asked if I could stay and experiment with him but I would have to go by then. I immediately packed my things up and while he was still arguing with me, I left. My 5 days of romance turned into a 24 hour nightmare. All I can say is that I cried so much in the hours following. I felt dirty, stupid, inadequate, I was in a daze. I questioned my femininity over and over. I then got angry at the fact that I did not pay attention to my gut. My best friend said that maybe he did love me as he said when I was leaving but he also thought that I was going to be "that girl" the one that was going to stop him from being gay and when he realized it wasn't the case I payed the price for it. We think that he met someone at the gym and took up the opportunity to be with him since he was away from his wife. I don't know if his wife knows, but I now know why she would cheat on him. Its been several weeks and I am still hurting from it. Now I'm no longer as angry at him as much as I feel sadness, that he has to hide who he is every day of his life. I wish we could have remained friends, like he begged me to be, but because I forgive does not mean that I can forget. I need to work on myself and heal.
Name: MarieHello Helen,
First let me say, my coauthor and I feel for you and that is real talk. Having had hundreds of interviews with many men, openly gay, on the down-low, as well as straight men over the past 7 years, what you have depicted here is at the least downright dangerous. Straight men do not look at gay porn, especially for YEARS, neither do they search for gay dating sites. He may already be engaging in gay sex, If you continue to sleep with him please use protection!
My ex said he loved me and wanted to be with me. In so many ways I know he meant that, BUT, I know now that sex and love are not necessarily intertwined at all with men. They can have anonymous, casual sex with different women and/or men and still go home and be satisfied with wifey because she is more than sex to him. She solidifies his image as a man, thus he neeeeeds her. Well, what down-low and gay men have explained to me is that their sexual desire is toward and comes from having homosexual sex. So in essence, the love of my life, my husband of 30 years could never fulfill my needs because he did not desire me because I am a woman, but instead used me as his covergirl, making himself look good, while sleeping with men all 30 years of our marriage. The emptiness that left me with is indescribable. The betrayal took away any innocence I had left and changed me from the inside out. It has taken many, many years to love myself again. The choice is up to you, not him. YOU choose, Miss Lady.
Name: HelenI found gay porn many times on my fiances computer history. One search included gayf**kbook.com which is a gay dating website. He denies being gay saying he has a curious mind and the dating website was just a pop up. He admits he has been looking at gay porn for years although he does look at leanING porn too. Our sex life definitely decreased since last year but he still gets turned on my me. He does have trouble finishing which he claims could be natural stamina or a possible hernia. I'm so scared because we are so emotionally attached but my trust is gone. He only went to therapy a few times and won't admit why he is always on gay porn. What should I do?
Name: JalaniI am a 21 year old mother to a beautiful son. Me and his father has been together on and off for the past two years. I have recently found text messages in his phone leading me to believe that he is on the down low. This is not the first time that I have seen messages in his phone from this same person to make me suspcious.The first time that I saw disturbing text in his phone was about three months ago. It was one night that he was on the way to my house. The other guy had text him baby do you want me to call and talking to you until you get there. And my ex was like no baby thats ok. But when he got to my house he text the guy good night. I confronted him about those and he was like he uses the term baby because of the organization that he's in at college. So I kinda let that situation go but it was still in the bacck of mind. But recently on Dec.22nd I look through his phone while he was in the shower and I saw text from the same guy. There were text from the both of them telling each other I love you,I miss you, and even where they had like little relationship arguments. And the worse one was a picture message from the guy where he was in the bed with a huge smile on his face only showing the upper part of his body telling my ex what he could of woke up to if he was there and that he hope that he have a nice day and that he love him. Before I confronted him about the text he knew something was wrong with me because I was't talking. He kept asking what was wrong with me and I was like nothing and I went into another room. Finally after I got a little bit over the shock, I went to confront him. When I ask him about the text he said that it wasnt text from the guy. He told me that he had saved a girl number under the guy name. And I told him that he was lying because I had already called the number. In front of him I called the number again this time I put everything on the speaker phone...at first I ask for the girl and the guy was like I had the wrong number then I ask for the guy and he was this is him. And then I hung up...My ex just was speechless at that moment and by that time I had just broke down and started crying because there was no need to try to explain I mean I saw everything. I had started going over the text that I read to him in his phone and I couldnt remember all of it and I was like I can go back in your phone and read them if you want and he was like go ahead. And I couldnt find them because he had deleted them when I was off in another room. But I took a picture of the picture message because I didnt know how to foward and of the text to my phone and I still have it to this day. He kept denying that he was gay and like the was the one that was actually gay. Before I was about to leave for work I told my ex to call and tell the guy that theres nothing going on between them,on speaker. So he called the guy but he didn't put him on the speaker. While he was on the phone he told the guy what was going on between us and that I was thinking that he was gay and for him to tell me that nothing was going on between them, and the only thing that I could hear the guy say was why and then he hung up. And the only thing I could think of then was why would he hang up and get a attitude if theres nothing going on between them. So of course that also made the situation worse. My ex ended up calling the guy back and handed me the phone and started to ask this guy a whole lot of questions and he denied everything. Later on that day I ended up going to work. But towards the time I was ready to get off the other guy sent me a text saying that he was the one pushing up on my son father. But to me the only reason for that guy to text me was because my ex was upset with me. But anyways I still dont beleive either one of them bc they both lied in the beginning . My ex is still saying that hes not gay. My ex and the guy are still talking on the phone as good friends from what my ex say even though he supposedly lied on my ex in the beginning. I want to feel like im done with the situation but I kinda know Im not until my ex comes out about how he really is.
Name: Joy MarieTo Simply Me
Dear Committed Woman, we feel your pain. I can imagine the loneliness you feel because I felt that too. I felt all alone, left out, shut out and nearly ignored in my own marriage! You really need our book. It will help you sort your feelings out. Down-low men are sometimes also attracted to women, but prefer to be sexually satisfied by men. They can fake it for as long as they feel they need to. You must take your life into your own hands. Think of your future as your own woman, not solely as his soul mate. The curiosity is troubling to say the least. For him to take the chance of you finding his internet queries a SECOND time is a big chance he was willing to take. I take it you are not married to him. I am in the fall of my life now, having spent 30 years of it with my husband who was on the down-low the entire marriage. No! I did not know either, but look at the wasted years I spent with someone who did not have the capacity to love me the way I deserved to be loved. He did not cherish me. He loved me too, but it was not a nourishing love that would make me a better person. Instead, it destroyed my self-esteem and my confidence.
Be good to yourself, Lady. Your sons need a strong, happy, confident mother. The world is cruel. Life is too short to be miserable. Have a good sit down with him and then follow your God-given intuition.
Name: simply MeMy fiance, of almost 5 years and I meet in college. We are a young interacial couple(im blk and he is white) with beautiful twin 3 year old boys.(im 22yrs old and he is 25yrs old)
When we first meet we had a great sex life, he was my soul mate, we were a perect match. He loved me and i love him.
I caought him on a gay porn site once in college, he brushed it off and said it was nothing. I thought it was wired but let it go. Through out the relationship we have had issiues with taling to other women, mainly his ex girlfriend, which her had an emotional affair with her on and off. I forgave him and moved on, he is a great provider for our family and a great father to our sons.
but for the past year 1/2 i have felt lonely, there is no romance, sex is not often , and he is now a 5 min man or has a hard time getting hard or staying hard. We have had other relationship issiues and he blames the lack of sex, and romance on those other issiues. I know he loves me and is attracted to women because we watch female strippes online and he gets and stays hard when we watch it.
but yesterday is the 2nd time i have caiught free gay porn site and shemale videos tube sites in his phone. The first time i found this crap was 2 yrs ago and i was crushed, he said he was curious and we worked thru it, but now he says Agin that he is curious! and i dont believe it. i have secretly thought i have seen him chekn out men as they walked by, but he just said he was looking that direction. but he says that when he checks out women too.
I know forsure he is attracted to women, but there is some male atraction too, i think, but im not sure. should i end my relationship with him? we have 2 sons and an established relationship! Should we go to councling? I dont know wut to do, But I need answers. All my friend think i should say, and say that he was curious and we should do councling, my step mom says its up to me, but she would levae.
Its hard beacuse he is very masculine and really is attracted to women, and a great guy, we have our isssiues but who dosent? Is he in denail? Shemale porn is a bit extreme? My heart is torn, because i do love him, but dont want to be with a man who may relise he is gay 5 years from now! Please help! (sorry for any spelling mistakes, i was crying while typing)
Name: Joy MarieTo Missing Him
I can imagine your anguish in losing your brother. When I read your note, what came to my mind is that his partner may still be in the closet and because your brother has been open, he may have been asked by his partner to protect him by staying away from everyone that knows he is gay.
Keep loving your brother unconditionally. You will be better for it. I can assure you that he will come around. When people hurt you, they know what they have done and believe me, it haunts them every day whether they ever say they are sorry.
If you really love him, forgive him and do it quickly. It is a decision, not a feeling. It will free you and your love and forgiveness will break off those bad feelings between the two of you.
Peace and Love
Name: JOYCEnever let the womanising, which is a cover up fool you. while we are wondering why they don't want us, its because we are not a man. so many have wondered whats up with the emotional unavailability, drinking, disapearing until wee hours, always accusing us etc. sometime we know n dont wanna know. when i finaly left i didn't know, but now i do. I'm in a search for answers now, and it shouldn't even matter. I am buying the book tommorow!
Name: ommittedi have been married for over 20 yrs, now separated. in my situation it was drinkinG and time he spent away from home and his emotional absence that made me wonder. there was a incident when we were in a store late one night and he spoke to 2 gay guys apparently that he knew, supposedly from work. i always thought there was something suspect about that run in. in still rrying to be friends, i am often put off when he is visited very often, late night by a male friend. he seems so excited an even giiddy on occasion. he always tried to put the blame on me for our problems. i thought it was his alcoholism, but realy that was just part of the problem. Beware if they use other women as a cover.. i left with my dignity, and peace of mind, & THANK GOD NO DISEASES!
Name: JessicaI am 25 years old and I thought 4 years ago that I had met the man of my dreams. He was loving, affectionate, and very thoughtful. He was also successful and close to his family. We lived in two different cities, and managed to keep things going strong for about a year and a half. Then, I relocated to his city and left my job, school, and friends behind. I felt like this was the right things to do at the time. He is 11 years older than I am. Things were going great for about a year into the relationship when a bad argument occurred one evening. This caused him to "go take a drive to cool off." Something didn't feel right, so for the first time ever, I figured out how to access his phone records and discovered that he had called and visited with a Transexual hooker and then came right back into bed with me. This put me at risk for HIV and any other STD, along with breaking my heart into tiny pieces. When I confronted him, he did admit it, but claimed it was a weird fetish and that he was NOT gay. That's hard for me to believe that a straight man would have oral and anal sex with another man if he was straight. Especially, paying to have sex. He insisted that he wasn't attracted to to men and that is why he chose TS hookers, since they has breast implants, long hair, and work women's clothing and makeup. I didn't really know how to sort this out. I was ashamed to tell my friends and family. Against my better judgement I stayed with him and thought I could help him through his sexual addiction. Big mistake, he continued to do the same thing. He has been supporting me and is the closest person that I have in this city. I don't have the ability to leave now but I am saving up to do so as soon as possible. This book has helped me realize not to overlook the risks of staying in a situation like this. I have also been able to see a unique perspective that shows such a lack of empathy and compassion that a man could have to do this to a women. I feel like the only reason for me in his life is to keep this perfect cover going for his family and friends. He has always been the one wanting to move forward, get engaged, and, married. Thank god I found this out before things moved passed an engagement. This has been super difficult for me due to the odd man/women in one issue. Some people think men that like Transexual's aren't gay. I disagree. When the lights are off, it's two men having sex.