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Do you have a down-low experience you want to share? Have you read The Straight-Up Truth About The Down-Low, and want to write your own review? Do it here:
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Name: KathieI'm out of the marriage, after 19 years. I'd like to offer advice to the "family and marriage counsellor" we saw within a few months of when we started dating.
Yes, we had to see a relationship counsellor within a few months of meeting each other. Why? Because HE was avoiding sex. News flash, counsellor. When a 34 year old, healthy, attractive, well-employed-at-his-dream-job man is avoiding sex with his brand-new, fit, nice, attractive, bright 27-year-old girlfriend, the solution is NOT to get married!
I've been separated 2 1/2 years now and life is good. I'm no longer getting vaginal infections every time he comes back from a business trip - been free of that since the day he walked out! And no longer the brunt of his rages, his passive/aggression, his "accidentally" hurting me in bed, destroying my clothing in the laundry, etc.
And I don't have to deal with his passive/aggressive premature ejaculation, that went on for years with no attempt to address it beyond a whiny, "Sorry!" every time it happened. I'd wait for his interest, his touch, finally initiate it myself, and then it was over in five seconds.
Unfortunately his denial is so severe that he keeps dating women now, won't ever come to terms with this. He is invested in his friends' believing that I was the problem in the marriage, so he can never come out. I, meanwhile, met a heterosexual man before I figured all this out and ended the marriage, and so those friends do have reason to believe him. I won't tell our 13-yo daughter so I can't tell those friends. The worst is that my own sister and her husband believe him and have shunned me and called me names.
Lost a few friends but I have my life back! And I have a great guy who loves me and makes me feel like a woman!
It does get better, sisters! For all of you still in the middle of the mess, have hope.
Name: AnnelineHmmm...Its hard to say for certain, but looking back all the signs were there. It started not to long after we were dating; we dated for 5 years. He started cheating with other women, but there was a friend of his in England that had been a male model for one of the couture brands and he could never stop sounding so impressed. I never thought the guy was very good looking myself. In any case over the years there was the gay Christmas party we were invited to by my friends. He disappeared for over an hour in this tiny place and when I did find him he was taking pictures with 6 gay guys in the kitchen loving it up. We lived three years apart on different coasts, due to work. During that time he called to tell me that over the three day weekend he thought he would go to Ptown- a gay island- by himself. He always was a bit phobic - so this was a red flag. Then there was the time when he called upset after a work christmas party in which he got so drunk, he was asked to leave. Apparently, he woke up at a co-workers apartment who was known to be gay. This guy told everyone at the Boston and German office that they slept together. He could not remember anything because he was prone to blackouts when he drank. When I asked him why he did not tell this guy off or tell him to stop the rummer he said it would just make him look guilty. Throughout our relationship he drank a lot, put me down and never wanted to look at me when we were physical. It was my fault, I needed to try harder, I needed to save him - he would say. He had lots of sever family problems which he had run away from and still can not discuss with anyone else. But he is very successful and moving up in his company quickly. People overlook so much because of how he presents himself and he was always quick to throw me under the bus in favor of himself while we were dating. No one suspects with the exception of my gay friends - who have wondered since the beginning. In any case. Its amazing how well some people can cover their tracks- I have heard so many lies over the years. Even though he has moved on and dating others I still get calls wanting to talk because no one else would understand. He is manipulative and sees me as wonderful until he deems he has had enough then he starts in with horrible comments about me.To those that know him he is successful, rational , calm, collected, Mr. social fun....but they dont know the hell I went through and still dont... I have blocked him at any means he may attempt to contact me. I hope one day he can come to terms with who he is - I could love him for that - but not for his hiding and lying.
Name: BethI have been married to my husband for 5 years. We have a 4 year old son and a 7 month old daughter. My husband hasn't been affectionate, passionate, complimentative, or in any way loving with me for 4 years. I initiate sex and when it does happen, I feel as if he is somewhere else. I found gay porn pics on our computer a few years ago and confronted him. His excuse was that it must have been from a pop-up or something of that nature and that he was not gay. Just recently, a mutual friend came forward and told me that he had found a massive amount of gay porn on my husbands computer 10 years ago and that he also had been arrested for soliciting sex with a prostitute (not sure if it was m/f). I don't know what to do or how to do it but I feel as if I am going to burst with anger. Every day I greet him and act all sweet and kind with nothing but snappy remarks and a nasty attitude in return. I am broken, lost, and really just disgusted with him and myself for letting all of this go to the wayside. I think I am going to wake him up right now and have a talk. .. . .and this time I'm not interested in being nice. Thank you for all of you women who were brave enough to share your stories and give me the courage to do what I am about to do!
Name: Mia D.So a few days ago I decide to answer a call from my Ex-Husband. Good conversation, nothing bad at all. After we got off the phone he starts sending me those 'I love you, I miss you, I want us to be together' type texts. Whatever-over it. So then a few nights later he calls again but instead of hearing his voice I hear what could be a females voice "Is this Mia?"....."Yeah, and you are?!!" Now normally I'm a lady but this chick(?) called at the real wrong time to get a nice response from me..."This is C@#$e and I want to know why so & so has been calling you?" High school type drama that I dont have time for. I am heated, heart rate-through the roof, I feel dizzy.....have I entered The Twilight Zone???? I wasn't very nice but that didn't stop this female(?) from telling me all about her and so & so and that they've been together for a while. She explained to me that her and I had talked a few years back after I found a picture of her in his email and I told her that she looked like a man. She then said..."that's because I am a man". Wow. Just to know that someone you spent quite a few years of your life with is banging out a chick with a d@#k just blows my mind!!! There were warning signs that I never really gave much value to like how I would see that he was looking at porn with transexuals, just thought that was some freaky mess is all. But as they say hindsight is 20/20. Thank God I was tested for HIV immediately after leaving him and I will be tested again this month, the recommended 6 months after possibly being exposed. Stay safe ladies...if any dude you meet comes across as even remotely zesty.....run!!!!
Name: InsanityI feel so stupid 6 months after we married I was speaking with a man who shared with me that he had a sexual relationship with my husband. My husband said that he was exploring due to the fact he had been sexually abused as child. Which I felt immediate compassion for my husband. as he told the story of a abusive mother who had caught an older adolescent boy sexually molesting my husband at the age of 6. That he would revisit the abuse as a adult. My life is upside down, I feel as though I need to proect him. I myself am deteoriating, depression, anger, isolation. I Love him he is in my mind my best friend wha does this say about me. How can this deception continue, I want a life of truth. I have no one to talk to, no one to turn too. My heart feels dead, I can't breathe.
Name: Joy MarieWe appreciate you too. Its all about truth. Thank you so much. Keep being the brave man that you are. We need your voice.
Peace and Love,
Joy Marie
Name: annoymousI really enjoy your website as a gay male (openly) I appreciate this site. There are so many women and men who are deceived by people men and women who are lying about who they are. They have wives and children, but on the side they have men on the side, it is so disgusting. It breaks my heart that people are killing eachother with HIV/AIDS and other STD's for simply not telling other people the truth!
Name: Joy MarieWhat a brave woman. We know how badly this hurt you. Thank you for being an example to other women by taking action. We know you will have a very successful and wonderful life. You took your power back!!!! Good for you.
Name: FreedomI was so happy to find this website, and I can't wait to receive my copy of the book. I'm glad to know I am not alone. I was married to my husband for twelve years. I met him after ending a bad relationship. He was good friend that I could easily talk to. He was in leadership for many years at his church. So I thought he was a "God-send". At first I overlooked his femminite mannerisms because I thought he was just a mama's boy. As I relationship progressed and he proposed to me I felt a little uneasy. I loved him and considered him a dear friend, but he was different from any other guy I dated. I asked him before we married if he was gay. He immediately responded no and said homosexuality was not of God. He said, he was molested as a child, but knew without any doubt that he only liked women. I married him in spite of my family, friends and pastors' doubt. Everything was wonderful the first two years. He had a few male friends that were suspect, but they stayed their distance. I started having doubts when he introduced me to his childhood friend that he reunited with. They would talk on the phone for hours, hang out with each other all the time. I felt like they were married instead of us. The look in my husband's eyes when this man would enter the room utterly disgusted me. I wanted to leave but I was pregnant and felt divorce was not the answer. At the beginning of our marriage sex was great, but it became obselete over the years. He complained of irrectile dysfunction, but refuse to see a doctor. I tried to investigate, but I could not find any evidence. He and his friend were extremely savvy with technology and I believe they were very good at covering their tracks. All I had was my gut feeling. One Saturday I was sitting home doing laundry when I heard my 5 year old giggling. I asked her what was so funny. She began to demonstrate how her Daddy walked as she twisted and switched in front of me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Events and incidents began to flash before my eyes. I decided to confront him and ask him about his sexuality again. He became very angry and almost violent with me. He stormed out of the house and I made a decision to leave and never go back. I am now living on my own, we are coordial with one another, but he insist that he is straight. It bugs me sometimes that I have no concrete proof. I don't regret leaving, but I just wish he would be truthful with me and himself.
Name: MistyI dated and lived with a guy for 6 years. He makes good money in technology. He is a Republican, recently into the 'Teabagging' activities. It's always been a 'joke' that he is gay, 'cause who would imagine a Conservative gay who was dating me?! Well.....5 years ago my son was 12 or 13..I needed support disciplining him. My (now ex) BF picked my son up by his sweatshirt, took him in the bedroom and I thought disciplined him. Well, my son claimed at the time that S "grabbed his balls"! My son even had a witness in the room. I couldn't believe that someone like S (successfull business man) would do such a thing, so I took S's side. My son tried to press charges against S with the local police dept. They wanted to pursue charges, but I stuck up for S. Recently we went to Japan on one of his business trips which his co. insisted I go on. He took me to a rest. which he seemed to know. (He was there last year w/out me). A Korean waiter requested that I send hima pic. of S and him. Then as we were leaving, Korean put S's jacket on him like a man does a woman. S is also a musician. He has been having 'dinner practices' w/ a violin player M. M is from Alaska like Sarah Palin. They call themselves "Morningwood" (yuk). When we returned from Japan, they had been 'practicing' for 4 hours already...I'm trying to be nice so I ask...'how was your practice?' M looks at me and says.."Aren't you leaving now?" (He said he was only kidding). I said "I can". S did not stick up for me, and they proceeded to make dinner together as M is sharpening knives threateningly in my kitchen. I got a few things together and tried to sleep in my car up the road in a State Forest. Check this. This State Forest is a 'closet gay pick up spot'! You can hardly find a place to park at night due to all the cars with guys making out. The police sit in S's driveway every few years trying to bust people for 'lude conduct'. I'm starting to put things together. Oh, S has recently been stockpiling weapons such as AK-47 type guns. He said in Japan that 'there will be a "bloodbath" in Nov. over the healthcare issue. What solidified this for me was remembering my poor son who would NEVER come out to our house in 6 years who this man abused. Now I'm in hiding 'cause I feel like there's a 'closet gay militia' after me. He was my financial support etc.... I thought I loved this guy. I recently ordered The Straight up Truth of Amazon. I hope it enlightens me more. I have no 'real' proof, only lots of little things. I'm being told 'I'm disturbed', and M didn't say that to me. HELP!
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