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Name: Oh Dear Gawd........Ladies, I’m on here today to vent. I’m so inspired by all of your comments and kind words. You have no idea how much you have all helped ease my mind and try to find strength. Even though, none of you were talking to me, I feel as if you ALL were.
If you wanna read my story, please feel free. This site is helping vent and get thru this enormously painful ordeal that I’m still in. That I feel like I cant talk to anyone about.....
History: I married my highschool sweetheart. Was with him since 16. Got divorced after 7 years. Was single for approx a year. Got my "poop in a group", no pun intended, and started looking for a building to buy for my business. I met a real estate agent, and there were sparks flying!!! Extremely good looking (and knew it), charming, confident, tall dark handsome with a full head of hair! Never been married, no kids and was 40 years old. Jackpot, right?
The story: I started dating him. Things were moving fast, and i was ok with that! Here I was with no kids, single, starting a biz and felt "Wow, god does love me and sent me an angel"! Why not move fast? No time to waste! So, I moved in with him. We got engaged! Sex was great for the first 3-6 months. Intense, passionate kissing, exploring things I’ve never done before (including anal sex), wonderful climaxes, hand holding, touching everything you could ever read about in a fairy tail.
After the 6th month mark, his business was starting to fail due to the economy. He is a real estate agent, and we live in Michigan. Everything around us is in foreclosure. He started becoming mentally abusive, distant, moody, and controlling. I received a small chunk of $$ from my divorce, and was using it to live on while starting my own company. Then he needed to start borrowing money. I helped him out with the promise he would pay me back. Then he needed me to start putting everything in my name. He was losing the house, so I bought it. His credit was bad, so I put the cars in my name. I paid for it all, and still do to this day.
After about a year, he said he was depressed. We would have sex maybe once a month, and only in the early morning hours (5-7am) and it was awful. One position, me on top, everytime. No foreplay, no kissing, no touching. Wham, bam, thank you mam'. We went to couples counseling. We got him on different medications to help with the depression and mood swings. After about 3 months of him being on these meds, he started acting funnier. So I started to snoop. I checked his phone, his computer, his email, everything!! I was finding all these texts on our phone bill that would go on for hours back and forth until the wee hours (I wasn’t able to read the texts, just saw them number on the phone bill and times). I called the number, sure enough a man answered! At the time, I didn’t think he was gay or bi. So I confronted him about all the texts and why? He told me it was one of the guys he plays cards with. And they were cheating at cards, telling each other what they had. I believed him. I totally thought he was telling me the truth. I actually thought to myself, "I’m an idiot, I should learn to trust him”.
So, my instinct was telling me to keep snooping, that something was up. So I did just that. I hacked into some of his accounts, and saw some awful emails from Craigslist. He had been emailing men back and forth on times to hook up for sex, blowjobs, you name it…..they talked about it. Again, I confronted him. He blamed the medicines. Said the meds are making him crazy and have homosexual tendencies, but that he never acted on any of them! Just flirted back and forth. We went to the doctor, got him on new meds, and a few months later….it happened again. Still in therapy, the man is so manipulative, that he actually had the doctor and therapist telling me, that “Yes, in fact, these drugs can make someone feel gay”! Are you kidding me?!?!?!?
Again, feeling deflated and like a horrible human being for wanting to break up with him over something that “wasn’t really him or his fault”. I stayed. Now 6 months have gone by since the last time he was caught. He is on new meds, that he swears up and down “keep him straight”, but again, my intuition is telling me something different. So feeling completely psycho and wanting to catch him in the act….I decided to create my own “M4M profile”. I believe I have kinda caught him, but haven’t seen him face to face. Ladies, He has just gotten wiser. He created a new email account, and has been responding back and forth with me, however he knows something is fishy with this. Everytime we are scheduled to meet, he calls me 100 times saying nothing but “I love you’s” and wonderful things, and yet he never shows up to meet the “Man” that is secretly me. Ironically no other strange men have showed up at these meeting places, so again…. Im pretty sure he knows its me. I guess I just need the proof to see it face to face, to know that he is in fact cheating on me with men.
So, here I sit, just waiting ladies. Im a mess, broke, and cant afford the darn book, with bills so high, I cant even see straight……but thanks for letting me vent. This site really has helped, and im sure will continue to help. Im pretty sure, this isn’t the last that you’ve heard from me.
Name: ineffiable...I have a male friend who claims he's metro-sexual,but to me he acts gay and all his male friends except for one all act "metro-sexual also...well getting to the story.I met a man that I started dating thru my male friends mother..and to be honest I was suspect off jump.He was a manly man,so that's what threw me off.We have been dating off and on for a yr.He has no friends that come around,but he says hes with them when I'm not around and I ask him what he's doing.He's always calling our mutual friend gay.He makes it very clear that he lives a private life.He watched his mom die of cancer when he was 8 and he didn't know his real dad.Also he told me that every woman that he loved has died..mother,grandmother etc.He said women use to be his achielles heal,but not anymore.He is changing,at first he was nice and now he's disresptful and demeaning.He rarely has sex with me and he says its because we argue.His home has a very cold and masculine vibration too it,which I find odd.When we did have sex it was hit or miss...he would be very passionate then other times it was very unemotional.He also can't last long and he blames this on not having sex often.He says he likes to give oral,but has yet to perform it on me.I've asked him twice if he has had sexual relations with men and he replies I'm nothing like our mutual friend...but he has yet to give me a straight out NO answer.He hangs out at the gym a lot also. He also says he doesn't like emotions and women need to act like men because they deal with consequences without emotion..I have stopped seeing him because I know something isn't right..but it has only been a week.Do his actions sound suspect or familiar too u??Also I ordered your book,I can't wait until it arrives to read it! P.s thank you for being such strong and beautiful women!
Name: NumbI am so relieved (and sad) to know I am not the only one. After spending my entire adult life with a man - the only man I have ever had sex with - I found out from my OB I have an STD. My spouse - the father of my children works in the HIV field. He should know better - if he was having an affair, he would be using safer sex one would think. It turns out he has been having sex with men in public restrooms for the past two years. I cannot reconcile this with the man I still love - my best friend and the father of my children. He has his own issues *apparently* to work out - as for me, I find myself divorcing and confused - seeing all the warning signs I was so ridiculously blind to and wondering what the future will look like from here. And yes, there is a public support group for him - for me - no one except my best friend who hasn't (mercifully) been through this.
Name: OhioanCan someone please answer me why DL men only want sex with you in the early morning hours when you are half awake. Also, what is the reason that DL men do not have any male friends or if they do, they are older men. Why are they clues?!!!
Name: Joy MarieHello Sinceregirl,
There is so much we want to say to you. Would you be okay with sending us an email on the Contact Form. I really want to talk with you personally. I want people to read your story, therefore I do not want to add anything over it right away.
Peace and Love,
Joy Marie
Name: sinceregirlI am married to a man who claims to be a christian and is living with his mother and also has another woman in his life now. Its been 7 months now since we've been separated and I feel so happy in a way, but then again I still love him. Unfortunately, I always felt there was a hidden truth behind him which he never wanted to reveal..he was abused as a child by his father and his allowed it..he says his dad never raped him but as he grew up getting abused his dad used to call him a faget, and that he was going to be a faget when he grew up..we never really got along as we married and moved in together..he would disapear at times and claim he was his mothers, and sometimes wasn't there..he was verbally abusive towards me and our intimacy..ha'! Forget that..most of the times, won't even get up..he always wanted to be complemented but never complimented me..it made no sense..he would speak a lot about recognizing gays when he saw them and acted like he knew so much about that..he would speak to his friends away from me..never had me associate with them..I met them and knew some of them or most but he never brought me in anywhere around them..I think he was with other women, but then again maybe men too..has a few best friends and one is gay and the other I wasn't sure but he never liked me, and his excuse was that he never likes none of his girlfriends...why is that? There is so many questions I have in regards to this and the unsolved comments and assumptions I had..it sucks not to really know..he would not even sleep with me at times he would sleep with his 5yr old son which we won custody off..not come down to bed with me until I was sleeping..he had such a crazy obession with his son that was sickening..never understood such closeness..he never allowed me or my two children to get close to his son upto an extent..he would take us away from his..meaning, he would take his son get him ready and leave to do his own thing with him..he is such a mommas boy too, had an attachment there that was crazy..almost like if she knew something or his secret...I don't know, but its crazy and I still live with this..it never worked out, I don't a reason to really justify it other than that he has to be bysexual or something..come on...never went down on me but like three times if and when we had intimacy he would rarely get it up and always had a problem with coming too fast...this breaks me inside..to know I married someone I didn't know truly and brought him home with my children to hear us fight all the time and see how he treated me like shit and never provided anything..I was almost doing it all because of his child support beoing too high..two kids from dift moms and then when he got custody of his son cause I helped him..he just took off to his mothers with his son..I had to let some of it out..I just had to cause this ? Mark is bugging me out...
Name: MaryI want to give a "Shout-Out" and a "Thank You" to the authors of this wonderful book. Once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down.
The writers did an extraordinary job in the writing of this marvelous novel. You can read the years of research and experience that has been put into it; sharing their experiences
and real-life stories. I stumbled on the Authors
Joy Marie, one day when I was at one of my lowest points, lonely, frustrated, with tears in my eyes and did not know what to do or where to turn. I felt I was out here all by myself until I starting reading Joy Marie's truths about the DL. These authors opened up my eyes to help explain to me what I already knew, and what I felt in my heart but didn't want to face....that I am married, 3 children, to a man on the DL for the past 20 years. I have a long story, but in short, "Thank you Joy Marie" for such a terrific awareness novel.
Name: BrandieI am so happy to have discovered this book. It really gives you an inside look on a women's point of view. This book is educating for women who have and haven't experienced this scenario. I truly can appreciate this good read.
Name: AliciaWow, this book was so very enlightening! I can truly say that this open my eyes to the many DL men that try to creep into our lives. Once I started reading this book, I couldn't put it down! Please continue to keep the many naive women such as myself informed through your very real and insightful book... I thank God for women such as you, who are not afraid to speak out!
Name: PauletteWOW!! The Straight Up Truth About The Down Low, was phenomenal. Once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. It's amazing how you think you now a person and then you find out something like this. Joy Marie, you two women are a Godsend. I want to personally thank you, from the bottom of my heart for opening our eyes, and helping us to see that this type of thing is happening all around us. I have had the pleasure of meeting one of the authors (MARIE). This young women has something to say, and I'm all ears. This book she wrote, not because she wanted to get back at the person who betrayed her, but because she cares about women, all women. So all I would like to say is ladies, talk to your sisters, aunties, daughters, etc. Tell them all to pick up this book, read it. It will help all of us out in the future. I look forward to reading other books, and would love for you to come to Atlanta, and speak to the women here. God bless you!
Paulette
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