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Do you have a down-low experience you want to share? Have you read The Straight-Up Truth About The Down-Low, and want to write your own review? Do it here:
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Name: SandyE-mail: LuvPeaches30@aol.comI received the book yesterday and stayed up until 3am reading and crying. I know my husband is gay because he fits most of the warning signs. I am calling my attorney today because he's not getting a dime of my money. Thanks Joy Marie for sharing your personal stories with the rest of us. This is definitely required reading for all women. Sandy
Name: NichelleE-mail: nichelle_ruffin@us.army.milHello all you wonderful and beautiful ladies!
I have to give all praises to God, cause without Him, I would not have made it through my ordeal. After and before starting my oline group for the wives/women of men on the DL, I've been asked numerous of times to share my story. I think at one time, I was so focused on protecting his reputation (we were both from a very small city), that my feelings fell to by the wayside in the process. Then, I experienced a moment of hysteria and paranoia...everyone around me was secretly gay. Wow! Thank God, I got over that one. Lastly, I began to accept my fate and embrace what I had experienced. I began to share what had happened to me with selected individuals. Now I am ready to assist others, going through this horrific ordeal, in any way possible. Don't get me wrong, when I tell you what I am about to tell you o.k. I will clarify this in a minute. I, and I mean ME ok. I had to accept responsibility for the role I played in what happened to me during my marriage. By no means had I asked for infidelity, especially infedelity at its' worst level. However, I have to tell the truth. I married my husband for all the wrong reasons, which was totally contrary to what I believe marriage is. I was a single parent and wanted to join the military. They would not take me unless I gave custody to someone or was legally married. I wanted desperately to join. We all know where desperation leads us. Of course, my husband knew my intent but he, in his own way, loved me and/or secretkt had his own agenda. Most of all, I convinced myself that he and I were friends, good friends for years.
To make a long story short, prior to our ceremony, we made love all the time. There were days where I would have to fight him off. I should have seen the warning signs back then too. We would make passionate love...like animals in heat. After I got mine, he would rush to the restroom and bathe for what seemed like hours. Hmmmmm
The day we got married, sex ceased all together! There was no kissing, hugging or holding hands for that matter. He made me feel like dog doo when I whimpered for affection. The only consolation I had was my child's soft little arms around my neck. He had a problem with that. I dealt with that for a year before he finally admitted to me that he was gay. That should not have shocked me, but it did. My spiritual mother asked me if I had seen the signs before his "coming out". I told her "no". She insisted then that God gives us all warning signs prior to every challenge. When I look back, I have to say that I had seen the writing on the wall a many of days. I even remember asking him if he was gay. Note this, I asked him that long before we ever thought about getting married. I had then, just what I have today...intuition. I dismissed it though. I ignored those hunches as if they never came to me at all. After being notified by my man - my husband that he wanted another man, the man that stayed at my home on a constant basis, the man that ate my food and consoled me when I was confused about husband's eratic behavior, after all of that...I begged my husband to stay. Sure, I felt like crap but I wanted to be crap while still having my husband. My not loving him became an after thought. I become obsessed with him, with us. We remained emotionally together for about another year, although he had moved out of the house and into the house of those living his lifestyle. I visited him there. I went to parties with him and watched other men drool over him and each other. I was the only woman there! Most of them would be appalled at my mere presence. You know what, I gave them that same catty look right back. He was there, but in my mind, he wanted me and only me. This was just a phase, I reassured myself.
The final straw that broke my back came when he introduced me to another married homosexual man who wanted a relationship with him. Check this out though, they wanted my permission. Yeah, right! My husband insisted that I should be open like the other man's wife was. Ladies, this was way too much for my 24 yr old mind at that time. I had not been raised like that. I began to feel disgust at every level. In my mind, I was beginning to take back my power and my life. I turned away from my husband then and never looked back. Of course, he slithered his way down my path a few times after that, hoping to rekindle what we had. Hell, all we had was nightmare after nightmare. I couldn't go back to that. That was 14 years ago. I made it! I am still standing!!!!
So, that is my story and I am sticking to it!!!
Be blessed.
Name: Joy MarieBook Review by RAWSISTAZ:
THE STRAIGHT-UP TRUTH ABOUT THE DOWN-LOW provided insight to the down-low phenomenon that was never provided before. I was amazed at how some of the relationships in this book started off like any other normal "dating" relationship and at how quickly the relationships took a turn for the worst after marriage. I read the book by J.L. King, but that book didn't touch upon what this book brought to the table. This book is very insightful and provides warning signs and coping mechanisms to deal with the betrayal of a husband who secretly sleeps with men. I was also very moved by some of the stories shared.
THE STRAIGHT-UP TRUTH ABOUT THE DOWN-LOW was very well-written and it takes you through steps on what do to when you finally discover the secret, how to cope with what you know and includes actual interviews with down-low men. I personally know of some men (and women) who start off desiring the company of the opposite sex only to switch up the game during critical times in a relationship because they are confused as to who they really are. I loved how the women in the book dealt with their decisions to either stay in the marriage/relationship or leave.
Kudos to Joy Marie and those who contributed to putting this book together. I think all women who find themselves in these similar situations will really find the answers to all of the questions they couldn't find before. THE STRAIGHT-UP TRUTH ABOUT THE DOWN-LOW is an excellent read!
Reviewed by **Guest Reviewer Cheryl Dublin
of The RAWSISTAZ™ Reviewers
Name: Joy MarieIf anyone is interested in joining an on-line support group, please send us your email address using our "contact the author" link. Your email will go directly to the authors and we will contact you with further instructions. Thank you.
Name: Joy MarieHi Darling,
First of all, please change your e-mail name. You are not dumb! Have you ever heard that love is blind? It really is. For me it was 30 years and let me tell you, no matter how many years it is, they will show you no mercy. Get ready, Girl. Your life will be the better for it now. Times will get tough, but God has your back. You really need the book because we help you understand so much about the process of severing that soul tie. You will be prayed for. Of that you can be sure, but we will call you "Dora the Mighty Defender."
Joy Marie
Name: dumbdoraE-mail: mytoyota@worldnet.att.netI am currently going through a divorce with a DL husband after almost 20-years of marriage. I did not see anything but now I've been told I should have been gone a long time ago. Outsiders saw it; but, I didn't. I am leaving my house in order not to give the dirty bastard half of my 401K and my personal savings. Since I have filed for divorce, he has not come to me at all to talk. He got careless with his cell phone. Had the nerve to say as text he received was a "SPAM" message. A house is only material. Happiness is forever. After work today, I am going to buy the book.
Name: GEMI also cannot say enough good things about this book. I am very naive for my age (almost 40); and I believe everything I am told. I had many questions, lots of confusion and too many emotions to manage.
Thanks to this book (and the brave women who shared their stories and the two men who shared their point of view), I will be able to date again.
I was in a relationship for over six years, continuous promises of marriage that never came to fruition, begging for sex (when many a man would have happily take me off my former boyfriend's hands), the aburpt stop of giving oral sex (thank you for that insight), the sudden interest and insistent on anal sex, the list goes on and on.
Thanks to this book, I received the answers I desperately needed and the knowledge to never repeat this mistake. Words cannot express my gratitude for this book.
Ladies, if you are in this situation or think you are in this situation, please proceed with caution. I am not advising you to stay or go. If you choose to stay, please be pro active in your physical, mental, emtional and spiritual health. If you choose to go, take time to heal and pump yourself up!!!!! This is not your fault; and as previously stated we must unite and support each other. I also want to agree that this is a problem crosses racial and socioeconomic boundaries.
This experience gradually chips away at your self esteem. Remember ladies, all women are pretty and true beauty comes from within. That saying gets me through my healing. It has been six months; and I am still healing. We need to be strong and stay united.
Name: "L"THANK YOU "Enlightened" for being there for me when I needed someone to talk to about all this mess. Many times you saved me from myself and prevented me from going off the "deep end" and doing something I knew I'd later regret. I will forever be greatful for your true friendship and strength. Together we conquered the world didn't we!!!! Now, it's time to start moving forward. What we learned from Joy's book helped clear up the muddy waters and signified the true beginning of our healing process. Remember...May 30!
Name: EnlightenedI have to share that this book helped me to change my life, be strong and understand 'why' I was ending my marriage. I could name a million reasons and things that were ruining my love for my husband; To the point that my family and friends thought I was just looking for reasons to give up. Thank you Joy Marie and especially you 'L" for helping me and supporting me (even still today), as I finally have some clarity in my chaotic thinking. I had even begun to question myself- wondering if I were the one that was mad. Nothing made sense!
Thank you so much for being out there even before the book was published and offering help and support to sisters like ME who didn't know where else to turn and were ready to give up. "L" YOU THREW ME A LIFELINE that is still holding my head above water as I work through my ordeal. I pity any woman that has had to face what I faced, but it was so empowering to know that I was not the only woman to deal with this and to know that We Survive. I thank you and appreciate what you have done for me and for so many women.
Name: LisaE-mail: lisaj433@yahoo.comThis book helped me reconcile with and heal from a terrible experience...though one never really heals completely from this kind of situation. I grew up in a small farm town in the midwest and was completely uneducated on this lifestyle. The warning signs were there but I didn't recognize them. I thought I was crazy and really didn't believe what I was seeing.
Now, three months after I turned my back on the relationship with a DL man and reading this wonderful, informative book, I'm doing much better. It opened my eyes and gave me the "confirmation" I needed. It put to words what I was feeling and thinking. It gave a name to what I went through for several years.
However, I still struggle with the low self esteem, betrayal, and trust issues every woman with a DL man suffers from. Each day with him was a lie. He drug me through a total of 3 years of preversion and deception and didn't care how much he hurt me. We made plans, long range plans, we were building a life together. Unbeknownst to me on the nights / days / weekends he wasn't with me he was with his lovers. Lord only knows how many there were. To this day he denies it all. He's a police officer.... to confirm and accept the responsibility of who he really is would be detrimental to his career....so he continues his charade, his deception, using another woman as a cover, pretending he's someone he's not, pretending to be an honest, moral man, being a "protector" from the harsh world out there. Pretending to protect her from people like HIM. My heart goes out to his next victim. He will treat her like a princess, be her knight in shining armor....until she figures it out. And she will. He's no longer perfect in hiding it. He displays each and every one of the warning signs and he thinks he's so smart in conning everyone around him. Once she realizes what and who he is he will yet again deny, tell her she's crazy and tell her he deserves better. Sound familiar?
What he does is evil. I have no heartburn if someone chooses the homosexual lifestyle, but to lie about it, and cultivate relationships with women, telling them you love them, making plans with them and promises you know you'll never keep, exposing them to life threatening diseases is just evil, pure and simple. I do not pity him. He lives in a world of torment and a good part of me finds solace in that. He stole years from me, and from others. He's a selfish, pathetic thief. I will forgive him someday, but not today.
THANK YOU for this book.
Lisa
Orlando
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